Mummy Scenes We'd Like to See
by KatieScarlet
Summary: Weirdness and What Ifs, mainly for TMR


Mummy Scenes We

Mummy Scenes We'd Like to See

by Katie Sullivan

Someone else had this idea but didn't really pursue it, so...I did! :-)

Standard disclaimer: I don't own the Mummy or anything to do with it, and I'm making no money from this silly weirdness.

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During the flashback fight sequence, when Anck-su-Namun and Nefertiri are fighting... Nefertiri stops all of a sudden and begins to whine, "Aw, crap, I broke a nail!" Anck-su-Namun slaps her forehead in disgust.

As Imhotep's caravan is crossing the Oasis of Ahm Shere, and the creepy wind blows up... Pygmy mummies arrive dressed in brightly-colored clothing singing "Follow the Yellow Brick Road." 

Ardeth Bay tells Johnathan that the only way to kill an Anubis warrior is to cut off its head. Johnathan looks frightened for a moment, then pulls out a Swiss army knife and flips up a two-inch long blade. "No problem, then!" he says brightly. Ardeth looks like he's not sure whether to cry or slap him.

In the train, when Imhotep first takes off his mask and reveals his decomposed form to Alex, the boy, being a little boy, says, "Whoa, cool! Your face is all rotted off! Can I touch it? That's gross! Awesome! Wait'll I tell the girls at school, they'll freak out!"

In the scene where Imhotep is getting ready to return Anck-su-Namun's soul, as he's reading from the Book of the Dead, he suddenly sneezes and drops the Book in the sacred pool. He swears loudly in Egyptian.

After the Curator's lost his hand in the pyramid, Rick says, "Need a hand?" and then laughs like an idiot until the Curator slaps him.

In the first movie, when Beni's frantically trying to find a religion that will repel Imhotep, he suddenly snaps his fingers in an "aha!" gesture. He starts preaching the virtues of Scientology. Imhotep runs screaming in the other direction.

Meela/Anck-su-Namun arguing with herself like somebody with multiple personalities. "We should save him. No, we shouldn't. We should! Shouldn't! Should! Shouldn't! Shut up! No, *you* shut up! No, you!" 

When Alex is translating hieroglyphics on the wall to direct him and Jonathan through the Golden Pyramid, he reads aloud, "Eat at Joe's. Amenhotep was here."

As Ardeth releases Horus into the air, the bird lets go with a mess of white droppings, and Ardeth begins cursing.

A camel spitting on anyone.

An Anubis warrior stopping in the middle of a battle to sniff a fire hydrant that has inexplicably popped up in the middle of the desert.

A gigantic foot coming down from above to step on the Scorpion King. 

As Ardeth begins narrating the first movie, he says, "Thebes, city of the living, crown jewel of Ph--wait a minute! What are the pyramids doing there? They're supposed to be up north in Giza! All right, who's playing practical jokes?"

In ancient times, Anck-su-Namun bribes one of the Med-Jai tattoo artists to put on her paint markings permanently so they'll never be smudged.

As the Scorpion King seals his pact with Anubis, he munches on a scorpion and says thoughtfully, "Hmm...tastes like chicken!"

Before Meela kisses the rotting Imhotep in the London Museum, she hands him a breath mint.

Ardeth gets all whiny because Rick won't let him use the Thompson to shoot mummies with.

Rick sues the soldier mummies for the damage to his car.

Izzy actually getting shot in the ass.

Somebody making a joke about the Egyptian Karnak and the Johnny Carson Karnak.

Ardeth gets knocked on the head and thinks he's that other black-garbed horseman of justice--Zorro!

Imhotep pulls something in his back and actually does stumble around, stiff-legged, with his arms out in front of him, like the cliche movie mummies.

Imhotep beats somebody up because they teased him for wearing eyeliner.

Anubis warriors chase Bast around the desert. (Cats and dogs, get it?)

A cosmetic saleswoman chases the rotted Imhotep around, begging to try out her latest line of moisturizing and concealing products on him.

Imhotep gets socked with a sixteen zillion dollar fine for not returning the Book of the Dead to the Theban library 3,000+ years ago.

Someone walks up to a scarab beetle and squeals, "Aaw, how _cute_!"


End file.
